I don’t know what it is about the men I date, but turns out, some of my friends all want a chance to date them as well. At this point in my dating career, I just have to sit back and laugh because it has happened so many times now and all I can do is take it as a compliment that I tend to find and dispose of such highly regarded men.
This past New Years Eve was quite a blast, yet a total shit show. I drank heavily. Laughed a lot. Danced the night away and kissed several men at midnight... All ending with a promiscuous and explosive ending.
I had two ex boy toys in the room all the while my latest love interest was on my arm. For one of them, we are good friends, but he would take any chance he can get to get back into my pants. The other, aka - Stage 5 Clinger Larry is always in a hot pursuit. This time, however, he was not in hot pursuit of me.
Turns out, a friend of mine caught the eye of this clinger and he leached on. He was quite frazzled that I was there with another man and saw it as a great opportunity for “payback.” Little did he know, I just didn’t give a shit.
As the night was closing down, my friend apparently had a couple questions for me about Clinger Larry. I told her “Stay away from him! He’s a joke and total loser.” I don’t recall the dialogue very clearly but then I somewhat recall saying something to the nature of “Well, if you just want a one-night stand tonight, he is well hung.” How do I know this? HE told me since he was standing right next to ME hearing this entire conversation. Oopsy.
This whole dialogue was quickly forgotten until I received a text message from the other ex saying that the crazy guy my friend had met on NYE is coming out to visit her this weekend. I was confused and asked “what crazy guy and do I know him??” It all started to come together and I text Clinger Larry asking him “So you’re headed out of town this weekend huh?” He responded “I was wondering when you were going to ask about that... how’s your boyfriend?”
Just fine loser. Thanks for asking.
He proceeded to tell me how he had told my friend how much he cared about me and wanted to be my boyfriend, etc. etc., so basically banged her just to get a reaction out of me. Which he didn’t get because I was literally laughing my ass off. He thanked me for my ONE nice comment. I asked him what he as talking about and he just so happened to refresh my memory about the above conversation with my friend since he was there.
I started laughing and said "Wow. That's hilarious that she would still go home with you after I told her all of that." Clinger Larry's response was "No ... none of that is funny. You're an asshole for saying it in the first place!"
Well, little does he know, my friend is already dreading his visit because he texts her all day and night with random crazy texts. She just doesn't know how to disinvite his ass to come see her, so my only response to her ... "I told you so. Good luck with my sloppy seconds."
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
‘Tis the Year to Clear Out the Dead Weight
Welcome to 2012… Year of the Dragon. The Dragon is a symbol of Power and that is exactly what I am taking over… starting… NOW. I am no longer waiting around for a man that likes to walk, talk and act like a boyfriend, but without the title. He likes to come over to my house, make dinner, do his laundry, play house, attempt to train my dog… just as someone I’m dating.
This year, the commitmentphobes are OUT and the over-aggressive “marry me now” types are IN!
After spending the night ringing in the New Year with CommittmentPhobe Larry, I realized that I’ve been carrying a very heavy, yet nicely packaged, dead weight. He took care of me all night which was very nice of him. He met all of my friends and somehow won them over with his charm. BUT beneath all that…. We have been dating on and off for FOUR YEARS. This relationship started off as a “one hit wonder” and thought that was the end of it. He is too comfortable with this non-existent relationship and I am not happy, so I have to stir some shit up.
Just before the New Year, I happened to meet a friend for dinner. We met at one of my new favorite watering holes and I ended up meeting a very sweet and passionate young buck. I caught him staring over in my direction a couple times and vice versa. At the end of the night, he came over and introduced himself and told me that I caught his eye as soon as I walked in the door.
It’s one of those “Awwwwwww…” moments that every girl likes to hear.
We hit it off and my friend ended up leaving us to close down the bar with our intense conversation. He comes from a humble background, sexy and knows all the right words to say. He’s been in long term relationships and has no fear of commitment. He asked if he could take me out on a date a couple days later, which I happily accepted. And finally….he calls me… GASP… he really CALLS me.
NOTE: CommitmentPhobe Larry just texts. He breaks out in hives if he needs to speak over a cell phone.
Who knew that all these small little tokens of affection and passion are so hard to come by these days? I know there are guys that leap into relationships and can be a bit too forward, but at this point, I’ll take it. After missing out on it for so long, it feels great to have that refreshing attention from one hot, sexy man!
Ladies: Physically write down on a piece of paper - with a red pen - of all the things you want in a man/woman and don’t make any exceptions! It’s the year of power, so take it back!
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Cheaters come out on NYE
This new year, I had an opportunity to be in the company of great friends and … epic cheaters. I understand that everyone says out with the old and in with the new, but how can you push out the old when she is standing two feet from you?
For the first time in a long time, I decided to have one of those “Hollywood NYE’s” and my observation: men want a new girl for NYE. The first guy that I noticed this behavior with was Larry Dance Maniac. This Larry spent the entire night dancing and flirting with most of the ladies in the location, at 11:50 p.m., he asks me, “do you think I should go over there and kiss my date at midnight?” Wait. You are here with someone. I said,"I don’t know. Should you?” He says, “I’d rather kiss you.” I laugh. At this point I turn to look at the date and there she sat, looking silly in her shiny gold dress and looking displeased but doing nothing, probably wondering about the midnight kiss.
The second guy I was in conversation with for about 15 minutes while getting drinks at the bar before he said, “Too bad I’m here with my gf of two years that I live with, had I only met you in Trader Joes?” So Trader Joes makes it better? Does Trader Joes absolve cheaters of their sins? I walk away from Trader Joes Larry and continue on, noticing all the wandering eyes from guys there in their “coupled Doom bliss.” An hour later Trader Joes Larry returns and says, “at least our union would be based on pure desire and not just insecurity.” I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck that means. "OK", I said. Next, he pulls out his phone and hands it to me, discreetly implying punch in your number. Now, I wish I could tell you, I was self righteous and told him to F off, but about 6 Chivas in, and cute as he was, I gave him the number and decided why not, I’m not cheating on anyone.
The third identified cheater was discovered by my friend, she spoke to him for about 30 mins before he alerted her he too was a cheater on the prowl with his girlfriend lurking somewhere in the background. They also exchanged numbers. I haven’t a clue when men became so bold, but things are bad. I didn’t think there was much more alcohol in the room than one would find at a typical bar, yet all the coupled men seem to be in heat and dying to break free. Guys who took dates realized they made radical mistakes and instead of living with it, decided to play the field nonetheless.
I have vowed if ever I have a man and I take him out with me on NYE, I’m putting him on a short leash and forcing him to wear a leather thong. I'm also bringing a taser gun for all the lonely, thirsty bitches that come out to indulge in his cheating ways with the intention of stealing more than a kiss when the clock strikes midnight.
For the first time in a long time, I decided to have one of those “Hollywood NYE’s” and my observation: men want a new girl for NYE. The first guy that I noticed this behavior with was Larry Dance Maniac. This Larry spent the entire night dancing and flirting with most of the ladies in the location, at 11:50 p.m., he asks me, “do you think I should go over there and kiss my date at midnight?” Wait. You are here with someone. I said,"I don’t know. Should you?” He says, “I’d rather kiss you.” I laugh. At this point I turn to look at the date and there she sat, looking silly in her shiny gold dress and looking displeased but doing nothing, probably wondering about the midnight kiss.
The second guy I was in conversation with for about 15 minutes while getting drinks at the bar before he said, “Too bad I’m here with my gf of two years that I live with, had I only met you in Trader Joes?” So Trader Joes makes it better? Does Trader Joes absolve cheaters of their sins? I walk away from Trader Joes Larry and continue on, noticing all the wandering eyes from guys there in their “coupled Doom bliss.” An hour later Trader Joes Larry returns and says, “at least our union would be based on pure desire and not just insecurity.” I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck that means. "OK", I said. Next, he pulls out his phone and hands it to me, discreetly implying punch in your number. Now, I wish I could tell you, I was self righteous and told him to F off, but about 6 Chivas in, and cute as he was, I gave him the number and decided why not, I’m not cheating on anyone.
The third identified cheater was discovered by my friend, she spoke to him for about 30 mins before he alerted her he too was a cheater on the prowl with his girlfriend lurking somewhere in the background. They also exchanged numbers. I haven’t a clue when men became so bold, but things are bad. I didn’t think there was much more alcohol in the room than one would find at a typical bar, yet all the coupled men seem to be in heat and dying to break free. Guys who took dates realized they made radical mistakes and instead of living with it, decided to play the field nonetheless.
I have vowed if ever I have a man and I take him out with me on NYE, I’m putting him on a short leash and forcing him to wear a leather thong. I'm also bringing a taser gun for all the lonely, thirsty bitches that come out to indulge in his cheating ways with the intention of stealing more than a kiss when the clock strikes midnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)