Monday, May 21, 2012
Are you sure you are not crazy?
So I haven't written i am while but trust me, it's not because the men have gotten better. It's because the situation is even more dire. Where to start. Since the last time i wrote, the latest was green shoes. I am happy to say i successfully transitioned green shoes to a friendship title, one in which he wore proudly, for a month, until I was forced to relieve him of those duties as well. What for? Well, during our "friendship stage" we attended the movies and i made the mistake of allowing him to purchase the tickets. Upon inspection, i realized he purchased senior citizen tickets. I asked, was this intentional? His reply,"yes, i do it all the time." Wtf. Who purchases senior citizen tickets just because. Ok, my friend, you are no longer qualified to be a friend because of the sheer stupidity that your life dips in and out of. This was the last straw. I sent a text explaining we were simply never going to understand each other, the end. In more recent news, i recently encountered my first bi-polar catch. OKCupid strikes again. I am beginning to think all the men that date online have serious mental issues. This time, i met a European who accused me of being a scam artist within 3 days of knowing him, claiming he heard voices on the line when he spoke to me. Slow down cowboy, did you say you heard voices and i'm a scam artist. Bi-polar Larry ran me through a battery of questions including, asking which organization i worked for and what gang was i affiliated with. Never in my life have i experienced such crazy, wish i could tell you i ran for the hills, but no, i waited for his drugs to kick back in and he was back to normal within 24hrs. A week goes by and i am once again being asked "who do you work for". I died laughing. The whole thing was quite funny to me and a source of entertainment really. Side bar, i later learned this Larry is in anger management and suffered a self inflicted concussion a couple months before i met him - wow. Third up, is he gay or straight Larry. This guy i've known for some while and he finally decided to ask me out on real date. We went to a basketball game. While there, he receives a weird text from someone saying "i'm coming to get my dog." I inquired what was going on, and apparently, a "friend", gave him a dog and was now requesting it be returned a week later. Larry was not happy with this and did not want to give up the dog. He ignored the text and after the game we go to grab drinks. While there, he receives a phone call stating that some woman was banging on his door and screaming "dog thief, i want my dog." Insane, right? We head back to his place to find some infuriated chick in the lobby ready to swing at him. Larry ignores her and tells her she should leave. As i followed him to his place upstairs, i wondered how on earth and why i kept getting in these crazy situations. Once inside, i convince Larry that dog was like a blood diamond and it would be bad karma to keep it, no matter how attached. He gives back the dog and we return to his place. It was at this point i saw Larry's softer side, within 10 mins of being back inside, i see tears rolling down his eyes. Real tears, tears over a dog he had owned for 1 week. Call me insensitive, but i found this "a bit much". After wiping his tears, Larry proceeded to try to mount me, i said, sorry, you are in mourning over a dog and we barely know each other, this is so not happening. At this point, there was nothing left to do but get the heck out of there. All the men mentioned above are over the age of 30 and claim to be of sound mind. ONLY in L.A. That said, i'm dating under 30 moving forward.