Friday, December 16, 2011

Living Young, Wild and Free

Most recently, my ex that I’ve known for almost 7 years came to visit me in Los Angeles. I haven’t seen him in 3 years.  He shows up and launched the most aggressive campaign for sex I’ve ever seen.  It was like his life depended on it.  Never before have I experienced so much pussy pressure, so the entire night I could not sleep because I had to keep pushing him away. The guy was literally trying to force his hand between my legs as I squeezed my thighs shut. 

Is this a low key form of rape?

In the morning I told him “Wow, I see why you are successful - persistence is your middle name.”  He spoke of how he missed me and wanted me to share the passion he did.  What passion?! The behavior of a newly released inmate from prison?! All night something was holding me back, horny as I was.  Fairly certain it was the fact he had expressed his love for me earlier and how he would want to consider making it work.  A serious relationship. 

PAUSE. Side bar: He has a 1 year old kid.

Nope, no thanks, although his body is like butter and I could caress that man’s back for eternity. I am not ready to gain a Chip & Dale in exchange for being somebody’s momma. Not ready to give up vacations and spontaneity because there is no sitter. Clearly, the universe knows it because I keep getting sprat. I figure once I am ready, the right person will come, until then, like Snoop says “I’m living young, wild and free.”  I’m even dating black guys again! HA!  I forgot how funny they were. Black guys are the only ones I know that live to quote stand-up comedians.  They are so entertaining.  White guys are attentive and black guys are funny.  How will I pick?! 

I’ve been on four dates in the past week and since I’ve decided I need to show off this body while it’s hot, I’ve been naked twice. NOTE: No sex, just naked.  Santa, how about a German, Irishman and a Spaniard for Christmas.

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