So it's been a while since I've seen Limp Larry, also known to some of you as Breast Man Larry. He invited me to his house on Sunday for what I presumed would be a barbeque with friends, like the good 'ole times. But nooooooo, it turned out to be his condo, two bottles of 'Two Buck Chuck' and no roommates in site. I knew I had been duped.
One thing led to another and here I was on his couch... and then on him for an intense make out sesh with sports center playing in the background. How romantic! If I need any inspiration, I'll look no further than the TV screen to fantasize about hooking up with hot athletes. We finally cooled things off with a visit down the street to two different breweries to enjoy a variety of tasty beers. Only to be capped by a trip back to his deserted condo to continue the make out sesh where we left off. We were in the moment when we heard the shower upstairs turn on and knew we weren't alone. We retreated to his bedroom for more making out.
Things were getting really hot and really fast. I didn't remember having this much fun with Breast Man Larry in the past!
Then it happened. He whispered in my ear, "your boobs are as big as my dick" and his hand led my hand down there. It was not only limp but it was also tiny. I tried to waken the giant but my efforts were fruitless and I was once again reminded of why I broke things off in the first place.
What a shame! Such a nice and fun guy, but he just can't manage to turn anything on--except for the Sports Channel. So I did what any girl would do, I grabbed my purse, wished him farewell, went home and clicked my own remote.
XO, Honey Badger