This year I joined a dating website to expand the potential of meeting "the one". I have always doubted these sites as I've heard many crazy stories of online dating. People are frauds! Their profiles are exaggerated and photos are usually outdated by 5 years. If you look like George Clooney, drive a Ferrari and make over $100K, WTF are you doing on a dating website? But hey, I've also heard many couples that have met their soulmates. I figured, how bad could it be?
After weeding out the non-potentials, I decided to open the line of communication with Larry. His profile was not a novel of all of his accomplishments and his photos were current (they were dated). Nice smile, nice body, tall, looked great dressed casual and in a suit. Not trying to sound shallow, but with online dating it's all about your "default photo".
We started communicating via emails and then by phone. Our conversations were not strained and he made me laugh. We seem to share the same interests and views and he's attractive-- WOW! A WINNER! So I agreed to go out on a date with him. We decided on bowling as I wanted a fun first date. This is easy! Why did I wait so long to start a free trial?
I met him at the designated bowling alley somewhere in the Valley. Is that Larry, sitting at the table with a huge smile on his handsome face as I walk towards him? OMG.. he looks just like his photo and what a gentleman too. He offered to tie my shoelaces and help me choose the right ball. Maybe this could really work...
"Ladies first". Sure Larry. This is a great opportunity for him to check out my ass. So I sashayed my way to the lane and throw the ball as sexy and gracefully as I can muster- not a care in the world if I knock any pins down. Luckily I did-- STRIKE! Wow, could things really be going this well? Let me guess, Larry is such a gentleman he's going to purposely throw a gutter ball, of course, pretending he's trying- all so I can win!
"Alright, Larry, show me what you've got", I said with a flirty grin. Now it's my turn to check him out. But wait... the table have turned and boy did it backfire! Larry in his baggy jeans just couldn't hide his lack of ass-ets. I didn't notice it before, but as soon he bent forward to throw the ball... Serious?!? You told me you played football in college. Really?! All football players have tight bubble butts. WTF happened to you?? Did heaven run out of clay when you were being sculpted? "Turn off" button.. click, click, click! I was done, as shallow as it may sound. I sped thru the date as quicly as possible, said thank you, good night and drove off.
Traumatized and disgusted by the mislead, I stopped at a GF's house on my way home to give a recount of the date. After I told her all about Default Larry, she looked at me iwth a straight face and serious tone in her voice, said "Men are hard to find in LA, just walk in front of him so you don't see that shit-- problem solved!"
xxoo- The Juggler